The internet has been around for decades and we have witnessed it develop to its full potential. Connecting billions of people, and giving us complete access to everything the heart desires while simultaneously alienating our entire species from each other. The reasons for this are many partly due to our capitalist society also innate human desire and information overload.
In recent weeks with my heightened popularity among people on the internet, I have witnessed my self absorbed desire to see larger like count numbers and hearts on my stories grow. The question thus arises to what extent do I sacrifice my own identity in the name of a bigger like count? And what must I do to see that like count?
Truth is, I have sacrificed a good bit of my identity to satisfy the innate desire for a dopamine rush through human acceptance, and while it does fill that appetite, the void of emptiness and hollowness remains. By being a businessman or media star you are selling your soul to be a puppet to human pyschology and desire, i.e telling people what they want to hear.
I have 890 friends, but at the same time I have no friends. How many of them do I speak to regulary? Do we connect on a personal level? Is the time devotion equal? All the answers to those questions are deeply scary to think about.
Every time you see the smile of someone on their yacht, surrounded by people and living this apparent on the surface life of luxury, the question must be raised is the yacht a rental, are the “friends” really friends and is the smile genuine.
Genuine friends are rare and become more and more infrequent as the internet through its social media, dating apps and information makes us all desire something more or better. We do not realize that “better” is subjective and may not really exist, we unknowingly lost true happiness and live a lie.
The art of friendships and relationships is something that is becoming more automated, less authentic and more a matter of pure sexual and financial appeal. Our capitalist system and innately part of ourselves have a tendency to dwell and breathe self-constructed misery.
Human power comes from knowledge and the ability to change, our tendency to sway to less authentic human connection is one that is becoming more discussed as mental health becomes a more serious problem. The question then is, do we have what it takes to change the way we view human connection?
Recent thoughts: On Pressure and Change in Contemporary Societies
It has been about a couple weeks since I last typed out my thoughts for the internet to consume. Summer final exams and finding a summer job took a pretty large toll on me. As is habit, my mind tends to find itself in the darkest potential corners meandering on the void of despair. Out of those trials and tribulations arises the necessity for change, the personal analysis, philosophy, and understanding of human aspiration comes full fold.
There is a popular saying in the self-care sphere of influence that states “fundamental human change, and reflection can only occur under real pressure.” This phenonema is needless to say an aspect of our fundamental reality, that we can all observe as a part of daily experience.
The scale of pressure, and desire to change can mount from personal struggles to societal phenomena of core socioeconomic factors. To give examples, the people you know (perhaps yourself) who are in a constant struggle to end smoking due to the fact the pressure on the faculties of the mind have not yet reached that breaking point, an eery similarity can simultaneously be applied to our political sphere where conditions often worsen, and worsen till it reaches an extreme breaking point where a mass movement is mobilized. It is often wondered how it is we need to reach such “extremes” to fundamentally do something to improve our lives for the better.
When in the presence of other human beings, I often find myself in a sense of awe of the needless pain they push themselves through. It is a case of truly following mass suicide by repeating the actions of other people.
Human tradition is specifically marked by human beings who are in a state of refusal to adapt to the newer and superior methods of cultural, and social development. These people will consume poison into their blood, and work hard for no return all for the purpose of woefully refusing to embrace the contemporary means of their time.
Our time is one in which “traditional values” are in direct conflict with the ambition to eradicate fossil fuels, increase bodily autonomy, and increase socioeconomic freedoms of our species. Conservative minded individuals fear change irrationally due to the fact that with developed habit, that one lived their life by it is difficult to let it go.
Humans by their very nature are plagued by jealousy, by growing up in the 1970s-1980s America, where abortions were frowned upon, the nuclear family was the dominant social functon, and there was still an enigma to the potentiality of interracial relationships, there exists a natural fear to knowing your generation was denied certain liberties.
It is common for older women who were socially plugged into the roles of housewives to see their daughters doing the things they were denied or unconscious of during their childhoods, and adulthood. They become envious of their daughters, and seek an unconscious form of retribution. Jealousy is very tough weapon.
The family in the 21st century, is correctly being expanded in form and definition to illustrate more than the mere existence of the nuclear family as a consequence of the industrial revolution.
The human species is painfully slow at overcoming its downfalls, and is often the cause of its own problems. Man’s arrogance, lust, and desire for “sameness” are the causes for the human species ever ending spiraling controversies.
Introduction: The Brute Boy and Submissive Girl on Adhering to Gender “Norms”
Today I wanted to document recent accumulations I have made in learning the cultural social relations between man and woman. Recently I have been reading Iris Chang’s “Rape of Nanking” and something sticks out to me, are the gender roles of Japanese culture and how men at a young age are put through a dehumanization process to be prepared for militarization and war. At the same time I have come into contact with information regarding the 4B Movement in South Korea which has been gaining traction since 2019.
To quote Iris Chang “his teacher slammed his knuckles against the boy’s head and yelled, “why are you crying about one lousy frog? When you grow up you will have to kill one hundred, two hundred chinks!” (Chang, 1997 p. 30)
I am someone who fell in love with China, and lots of East Asian culture, and think lots of sociopolitical contributions have been invaluable that have come from the region, but in being intellectually honest, I must call out the worst aspects, which one being most clear and blunt is the ruthless misogyny and patriarchal structures that dominate the region. Korea and Japan have declining birthrates, and this is in many ways is correlated to the social structures regarding the family and marriage that are in place.
I am far from an expert on the topics of toxic masculinity, gender and the family but I want to run a small analysis on the topic using America as the case study. It is not Japan but will nevertheless provide the framework for future analysis if we wish to delve further as we rightfully should, this subject is important.
America as a case study: To what extent does misogyny and patriarchal systems plague American society?
It would not be right to criticize East Asian family structures without speaking about the American way of life. It has been nearly a decade since Me Too and have we witnessed feminist resurgence? It is both a yes and no. Roe V. Wade was overturned and as a consequence the evangelical christian right-wing have had to succumb to a ruthless decline in public popularity. At the same time the traditional bourgeoisie feminism that has been prevalent in America since the 1970s has been facing sufficient problems in retaining its public image. Does anyone ever claim that Nancy Pelosi or Kamala Harris is their favorite role model?
The feminist institutions that lay as the foundation for America’s public persona have been put under lots of tension as the far-right has gained mometum in the past decade and very well might put the nail in the coffin sometime this decade. The question therefore becomes who are these far-right figureheads and what are their political ambitions that makeup “toxic masculinity”?
Conservative news outlets such as The Daily Wire, PragerU and Fox News claim that there is a “war against men” and that young boys are being “feminized.” They refer to the fact that they are being shamed for their masculinity. What do they mean by masculinity and what is the femininity they are shaming? PragerU shows in their videos boys playing with tanks and other military equipment as well as being physically hostile with other boys.
I do not want it to come off as if I am attempting to straw man the conservative news media arguments, it is a fact that they want do believe men being physically brute is a positive. They are very hawkish and support militarization as a matter of fact. They believe a distinctive “feminimity” and “masculinity” in which people are born into specific roles and must adhere to these roles.
Does toxic masculinity truly beneift men?
I will continue this discussion in another post later, but I will end off by saying, toxic masculinity in its very nature is destructive to men and women both and there has been lots of research and studies done to prove this. This is not merely limited to the LGBTQ community or some abstract groups. When we use Nanking and military systems as an example we see men when dehumanized and put into this rigid disciplined regiments lose their humanity, commit suicide in higher rates and lose those elements that make them human.
The nuclear family was flawed in the fact it forced couples together who were not meant together and brought on marriage at a young age. The family structure did work for the time it was designed and did bring stability but as residents of the 21st century, time requires us to advance and change. Questioning systems of marriage, gender roles and identities is necessary in granting individuals freedom and the ability to be mobile.
The conservatives and bourgeoisie feminists love to preach “freedom” but when push comes to shove they are never there to defend their abstract ideals. It is therefore impetus that we continue to push this dialogue and be clear in what the problems are.
On the Socially Constructed Family & Living with the Past: Who is my Biological Mother?
This is a discussion I have questioned putting up for a long while, but as I grow and mature I have come to realize how much of my perceptions of other human beings, family life, and problems of pursuing happiness was corrupted for the longest time due to constant manipulation, deceit and control in my developmental years by my biological mother.
I want to address some critical points:
1. How was I and others manipulated and used?
2. What did my mother want to acheive?
3. Why did I decide to cut off communication for good?
My parents divorced at a young age when I was 10 / 11 years old. My mother and father had particular tension relating to the adult life of my older sister who by my mother was coerced into dating an older man who was in the early 40s who my mother herself would date after my her and my father would breakup. My father actively encouraged my sister to pursue higher education, and dream big while my mother persistently tried to counteract these efforts.
My mother would continuously blame my father for failing my older sister and say “she was no good for college.” My mother claims to have always held good intentions towards my older sister but actions speak louder than words, and her actions constantly involved holding my sister down and controlling her life to make sure she never achieved adequate independence.
When I was 11 years old and my parents at last broke up, I was used as a tool in my mother’s attempts to tear at my father’s life. He began dating a black woman, and my mother made the conscious decision to employ racism to discredit my father. She made it a concrete effort to make sure I and my younger sister heard her say racial slurs as frequently as possible. Fortunately my father and other family members made sure my young mind was never to reach those levels of depravity.
My mother was fully aware of how disgusting her actions were never using these racial slurs and slanderish remarks against my father, older sister and others unless it was only me, her and younger sister in the room with her. Our minds were not developed enough to comprehend concepts such as racism, individual rights and privacy so we were very vulnerable to her words and manipulation, after all she was our mother, why would she lie to us?
As time went on my mother would progressively get worse, taking up smoking cigarretes, employing more extreme racist rhetoric and trying to sway me and my sister to not take up higher education. It was not long till my little sister was solidifed in my mother’s arms and became cloaked with the racist rhetoric and at ease with the prospect of no future self improvements.
Throughout growing up between age 11 to 16, I was told by my mother not that I will accomplish great things, but that “I was weird and socially inept” and in front of other people who were not family she would show them my browser history and make sure I was in as much discomfort as possible. She also made efforts on telling me and my sister that “your sister would make an awful college student, she is better off as a stay at home mom.” This rhetoric was repeated again and again, it worked.
When I reach the age of 15 my father has a child with my step-mother. My mother makes it her soul mission to make sure me and my sister never accept my brother as a human being and brother. Telling me and my sister “that thing is not your brother.” She would repeat this to my father through text messages.
Eventually my sister decided at age 14 to leave my father and stay with my mother permanently. I decided to stay with my father while I pursue my bachelors degree.
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My mother made my developmental years an absolute hell. With my father going into a depression trying to hang on and my mother constantly trying to worsen his condition while attempting to use me as a tool, I had no social or emotional support while growing up. I felt alone and was alone. Later on in life my mother would attempt to use my younger sister against me in harassment campaigns, again continuing to worsen my mental state.
People who have never understood my situation while growing up tell me “you have to love your mother, she is your mother” and this is just not true. People are who they are by a case by case basis and there exists anti-social personality disorders, narcissism and muc hmore which play a key role in human disabilites which my mother definitely has.
When I was 18, my efforts to make a name for myself and obtain true human connection came crashing down and I felt myself sinking into a deep depression which culminated in various attempts at suicide from November 2022 to June 2023. Throughout most of my life, I have had serious difficulties relating to and forming connections with other human beings, which I am very sensitive about, and it was made worse by my mother exploiting that insecurity to make me feel worse about myself instead of working to help me overcome it.
For lots of my childhood and throughout the COVID-19 pandemic I was locked up in suburban homes unable to leave, in toxic and vile environments. Lots of my academic acheivements are great, and I used it as a distraction to keep my mind off “real life” that is what philosphy serves to me nowadays to keep my head straight. I sometimes just imagine what I could have acheived if I had an environment growing up that actually encouraged and helped me acheive what is possible.
Truth is nowadays, its best I move and erase the toxic influences that flooded my life in the past. My mother robbed me of financial support that was used on alcohol, cigarretes and parties, robbed me of positive childhood memories and of the support of my sisters. Moving past the manipulation takes time and effort.
A Case for Placing Emphasis on Self Evaluation and Reflection:
Introduction to the key concepts:
Sometimes when I type out my “Reflections on the Manifestations of Desolation”, obscure reflective posts on Facebook, and think about my concrete relations to others through college, friends and family, I reflect on the reflections which I developed before through the faculties of my understanding. This being the manner in which I develop my being. With that being said, I wanted to share these thoughts to the world. You, my dear reader have the opportunity to provide feedback, encourage further reflections for the community, and develop a healthy sense of discourse.
I have two key points I want to give an introduction to in this post. First being the necessity to reflect on the way we handle our life as social animals and the second being the rising problem of thinking in “absolutes” relating to politics, love and others. I want to begin proposing the necessity for developing a system of thought that places emphasis on reflection.
Our current institutions be it therapy, high school education, college and the workplace, are lacking adequate focus on the reflection. As we witness the rise of far-right extremism, people worship, and the unwillingness to keep check on our opinions, I feel it necessary to begin finding a solution by analyzing the mind of the people which it impacts, things which they lack and so do we all. Reflections develop and mold over time, we can never completely determine causation, only analyze the current clear correlations.
***These thoughts are very elementary, and are subject to change. To be clear up front I am NOT an expert in pyschology, therapeutic programs, etc., I encourage you to seek out an expert if you feel endangered, suicidal, depressed, etc.,***
with that said let’s run down two of the basic key conceptual concerns I have listed.
1. Are the actions I am committing reflective of the intentions I claim they are being done for?
“You can have a certain arrogance, and I think that’s fine, but what you should never lose is the respect for the others.” – Steffi Graf
I as a human-being born out of the irrational wheels of evolution am prone to committing actions where I decieve myself to be the victim and just in my actions. It is much easier to act out of pure unfiltered emotion lashing out at people who express dissent to my personal opinions, than to hang in there to spend that necessary time reflecting on what is the objective reality of the situation I am experiencing.
Throughout my life I have beared witness to many friends, family and strangers on the internet claim their ex-partner, former employer, lost friend and co-workers were assholes who deserve to be discredited without giving a moment to the consideration the alternative options which may give way to clarity. Is it more likely that the complaining subject was 100% the victim of a malignant conspiracy or that both peeople were at some sort of fault?
Our next question will expand on the incoherence of talking in 100% abolutism.
2. Why is expressing “absolutism” in politics, relationships and phenomena very dangerous? (In terms of reflection)
“I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” – Donald Trump at a campaign rally in Iowa 23 January 2016
Something we have all been exposed to are those people who express absolute loyalty to people, figures and idealogues. There is nothing wrong in itself with holding role models and people you think objectively model what you percieve to be “good” in some way, but this can be taken to a dangerous extreme.
One thing reflection does is counteract the tendency to become stuck in an extremist bubble. The desire to have a sense of community and being is something that is fundamental to being a human-being, but it must be done in a healthy manner. The case I want to get acorss is the fact that this healthy discourse and community building is not taking place in large part due to the undeveloped and discouraged need to reflect and mold our behavior in proper ways.
One thing which is clear when we analyze the behaviors of absolutism is, that the absence of critical thinking and knowledge leads to the barrier of reflection. When one thinks uncritically about certain individuals they are very suspectible to manipulation from all corners.
The matter of reflection in many ways is obtaining that long sought desire to be an independent thinking individual. Letting yourself be swayed by people telling you what to think and how to think leads to you unknowingly be misled into a narrow linear path. That is the problem we have been witnessing rise clearly since the dawn of the mass communication but most clearly through the television and social media, locking the individual in a box where they find a niche that slowly molds them. The escape is rooted in developing reflective capabilites and immersion in media of all forms.
(I will leave it here for now, I aim to reform and develop this further as I obtain more material and form my perspectives)
Damien Reflects 