The Socially Constructed Family

On the Socially Constructed Family & Living with the Past: Who is my Biological Mother?

This is a discussion I have questioned putting up for a long while, but as I grow and mature I have come to realize how much of my perceptions of other human beings, family life, and problems of pursuing happiness was corrupted for the longest time due to constant manipulation, deceit and control in my developmental years by my biological mother.

I want to address some critical points:

1. How was I and others manipulated and used?

2. What did my mother want to acheive?

3. Why did I decide to cut off communication for good?

My parents divorced at a young age when I was 10 / 11 years old. My mother and father had particular tension relating to the adult life of my older sister who by my mother was coerced into dating an older man who was in the early 40s who my mother herself would date after my her and my father would breakup. My father actively encouraged my sister to pursue higher education, and dream big while my mother persistently tried to counteract these efforts.

My mother would continuously blame my father for failing my older sister and say “she was no good for college.” My mother claims to have always held good intentions towards my older sister but actions speak louder than words, and her actions constantly involved holding my sister down and controlling her life to make sure she never achieved adequate independence.

When I was 11 years old and my parents at last broke up, I was used as a tool in my mother’s attempts to tear at my father’s life. He began dating a black woman, and my mother made the conscious decision to employ racism to discredit my father. She made it a concrete effort to make sure I and my younger sister heard her say racial slurs as frequently as possible. Fortunately my father and other family members made sure my young mind was never to reach those levels of depravity.

My mother was fully aware of how disgusting her actions were never using these racial slurs and slanderish remarks against my father, older sister and others unless it was only me, her and younger sister in the room with her. Our minds were not developed enough to comprehend concepts such as racism, individual rights and privacy so we were very vulnerable to her words and manipulation, after all she was our mother, why would she lie to us?

As time went on my mother would progressively get worse, taking up smoking cigarretes, employing more extreme racist rhetoric and trying to sway me and my sister to not take up higher education. It was not long till my little sister was solidifed in my mother’s arms and became cloaked with the racist rhetoric and at ease with the prospect of no future self improvements.

Throughout growing up between age 11 to 16, I was told by my mother not that I will accomplish great things, but that “I was weird and socially inept” and in front of other people who were not family she would show them my browser history and make sure I was in as much discomfort as possible. She also made efforts on telling me and my sister that “your sister would make an awful college student, she is better off as a stay at home mom.” This rhetoric was repeated again and again, it worked.

When I reach the age of 15 my father has a child with my step-mother. My mother makes it her soul mission to make sure me and my sister never accept my brother as a human being and brother. Telling me and my sister “that thing is not your brother.” She would repeat this to my father through text messages.

Eventually my sister decided at age 14 to leave my father and stay with my mother permanently. I decided to stay with my father while I pursue my bachelors degree.

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My mother made my developmental years an absolute hell. With my father going into a depression trying to hang on and my mother constantly trying to worsen his condition while attempting to use me as a tool, I had no social or emotional support while growing up. I felt alone and was alone. Later on in life my mother would attempt to use my younger sister against me in harassment campaigns, again continuing to worsen my mental state.

People who have never understood my situation while growing up tell me “you have to love your mother, she is your mother” and this is just not true. People are who they are by a case by case basis and there exists anti-social personality disorders, narcissism and muc hmore which play a key role in human disabilites which my mother definitely has.

When I was 18, my efforts to make a name for myself and obtain true human connection came crashing down and I felt myself sinking into a deep depression which culminated in various attempts at suicide from November 2022 to June 2023. Throughout most of my life, I have had serious difficulties relating to and forming connections with other human beings, which I am very sensitive about, and it was made worse by my mother exploiting that insecurity to make me feel worse about myself instead of working to help me overcome it.

For lots of my childhood and throughout the COVID-19 pandemic I was locked up in suburban homes unable to leave, in toxic and vile environments. Lots of my academic acheivements are great, and I used it as a distraction to keep my mind off “real life” that is what philosphy serves to me nowadays to keep my head straight. I sometimes just imagine what I could have acheived if I had an environment growing up that actually encouraged and helped me acheive what is possible.

Truth is nowadays, its best I move and erase the toxic influences that flooded my life in the past. My mother robbed me of financial support that was used on alcohol, cigarretes and parties, robbed me of positive childhood memories and of the support of my sisters. Moving past the manipulation takes time and effort.